June 5, 2007

stay for a while

As everyone who's reading this probably already know, I was recently offered a reporting job by the daily newspaper in Bloomington. I would have been the lone reporter in their Pontiac bureau. I also would have been required to live in the town. After a lot of thought and consideration, I let them know today that I won't be taking the job.

It was a really difficult decision for me and it required that I weigh a lot of different financial, professional and social factors. I'm the kind of person who can be decisive when I need to be. But when it comes to making major life decisions, I can be worse then Hamlet. When trying to make this decision, I found myself leaning in a different direction each day (and sometimes vacillating between the two five or six times in one day).

What made this decision particularly difficult was that when I sat down to weigh the pros and cons, there seemed to be exactly the same amount of weight on each side of the scale. And when I thought of something that might tip it in one direction or the other, I soon came up with an equally weighted something to balance it out.

Finally, like many decisions in life, it came down to money. While it would have been a bit of a step up professionally and would have come with a sizable pay increase, all that extra money would have gone to paying for my living expenses.

I said it came down to money, but really, I think the social implications might have had a bigger part in what I decided. I still worry that maybe I'm afraid to leave the comfort of my little suburban bubble, but I imagined myself getting really bored and lonely down there without any friends or family close by. I think of myself as a pretty independent person and I enjoy my time to myself, but I think I also depend on having people nearby.

Maybe I'm just afraid to take a risk and try something new. That's something that worried me. But at this time, I think I made the right choice.

Either Way - Wilco

Posted by dpetrella at June 5, 2007 4:39 PM | TrackBack

word to the new wilco album. good stuff. oh, and word to you sticking around town for a while longer.

Posted by: holler at June 5, 2007 11:36 PM

Haha, you won't get really bored and lonely... Nobody does that. I mean, how much a loser do you have to be to not make friends in a new place, and sit around your apartment playing that new Zoo Tycoon game you just got? Oh wait...

It seems to me that one of the biggest parts of life is coming to terms with exactly what it means to be in relationship with other people. It's easy to be acutely aware of your own needs, and maybe the needs of a few others, but to recognize your position in the world in relation to the other gazillion people on this planet is a goal not easily obtainable in even a lifetime. So there are wars and poverty. That may seem like a sidetrack rant, but it's all working toward my belief that our humanity is closely tied in with our relationships with others. Maybe it's not such a great virtue to never need other people.

Or maybe I've just been playing too much zoo tycoon. gosh that game is fun.

Posted by: matt at June 6, 2007 12:16 PM

For me, I would imagine it would mean a lot of watching seasons of TV shows I've downloaded off the internet and thinking about writing but not actually doing any.

I don't think it's a virtue to not need other people at all. Independence is important, but it's also important to realize how much we depend on one another. You can take that to an extreme and form co-dependent relationships, but despite what Simon and Garfunkel try to say, I have to agree with John Donne that "no man is an island, entire of itself." Hmm ... this could be another post entire of itself.

Posted by: Dan at June 6, 2007 3:27 PM

Heh, I hope you haven't made it through 23 years of life without realizing that "I Am A Rock" is a song rife with sarcasm and reverse imagery. Its an ode to the lonliness that the speaker is trying to ignore.


Posted by: Ralph at June 7, 2007 6:06 PM

No. It's totally serious and without any irony. ;)

Posted by: Dan at June 7, 2007 7:53 PM

haha see i thought about that too, but then i didn't wanna say anything just in case he really DIDN'T get it. cuz then I'd feel bad.

"Can I say what we've all been thinking?? Your looks have become a problem!!"

Posted by: matty at June 7, 2007 10:58 PM
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