November 7, 2005
An Invention I'd Like To See
Here's something I would like to see invented as soon as possible. I want a little machine that will tell me exactly what virus/basteria/plague has entered my body, and preferably, tell me how the hell to get rid of it. Maybe it could start out as a simple qestion and answer device.
"Can you breathe through your nose?"...yes
"One nostril or two?"...two and what the fuck is up with only one nostril getting congested at a time? and why does it switch nostrils?
"How should I know? I'm no doctor"...then why am I letting you diagnose me?
"Because a doctor programmed me"...good point
"And also you're a moron"...hey now let's stick to diagnosis before one of us gets hurt
"Don't worry, I can diagnose your broken face for you"...that's tough talk Mr. 'I have no arms or legs'
"Well at least my mother's not on the cover of crackwhore magazine"...crackwhore this motherfucker
So we'll have to take the agression out of the A.I. The point is, it tells you what's up so you can do something about it. Maybe this will even evolve so that it can perform some test(s) on you and then turn those results into a diagnosis.
"Your temperature is 37.2 degrees"....what the hell, doesn't that mean I'm dead?
"It's celsius"....man, metric sucks
"Command accepted. Switching from oral to rectal thermometer"...aw hell no
"Switch is irreversible you stupid American"...touchy ass European programmers
"Leave my parents out of this"...you know they're not your real parents
*sob*"I never knew my real parents"...calm down now, I'm sorry
Come to think of it. They probably already have these devices out there but the physicians have kept them away from the public for job security. Of course, as soon as the pharmaceutical companies get these things to start prescribing drugs, then we'll see them hit the shelves. Hell, with wireless internet access booming, they'll probably make them order the drugs automatically, and since you gave them your credit card number, it's even paid for automatically. And just like that, you're automatically cured...of the burden of having all that money around.
Enter the lawsuits
but seriously what IS up with that nostril thing?? I can never breath out of more than one nostril at a time, save very rare circumstances like I get an adrenaline rush or something. sup with that???????
Comment by: Dan Kordik at 4:18 PM, November, 8, 2005