November 28, 2005

Of Germlines and Christmas Carols

So it's official: My roommate and I take an unnatural amount of joy in listening to Christmas Music. When we MyTune'd a Tran-Siberian Orchestra album, you hadn't seen that much joy out of two college students since the last clearence sale at the liquor store. I've attempted to figure it out, but so far we've come up with nothing better than "it's just so good." I think I inherited it from my mother since she shares my feelings, and also my sister enjoys it immensely as well.

Because I love it so much, I think I'm going to share my love of Christmas music with my children if/when I have them. But since I'm a modern man living in a technological world, I'm not going to force my beliefs on my children the old fashioned way: trying to brute force it into them via constant exposure until they give in or rebel. That method is way out of date and unreliable. I need something permanent and irreversible. That's right, I'm going to hire some Dr. Moreau-esque geneticist to implant the genes for a positive disposition toward Christmas music into my children. Wouldn't that be great? And even better, unless I tell them, they'd never know it wasn't natural. They'd just hum Carol of the Bells all year like I do, blissfully ignorant of the fact that it was my decision for them to do it, not theirs. And since, in my extreme benevolence, I applied the genetic change to the germline, my grandchildren and then their grandchildren will share my joy in festive holiday tunes. Herein lies the real upshot. With each passing generation, technology would improve our ability to tamper with the genetic code, making it possible for my children to implant a stronger gene for a positive disposition toward Christmas music into their children and so on until my descendents love Christmas music more than anyone else in the world.

That is unless anyone else wants their children to love Christmas Music. Then their descendents and mine would have an equal amount of love for Christmas Music since everyone has access to the same geneticist's work. Meanwhile, that geneticist has become an insanely wealthy man. Eventually, everyone would see how much joy they get out of Christmas Music and would want to get in on the act. And since we are the most advanced beings on the planet we would implant that gene in everyone that could come up with the cash to do it. The poor, of course, would be doomed to a life of unenhanced normalcy. But aside from them, everyone else would be able to experience my unnatural propensity toward Christmas Songs. Thus, my goal will be fulfilled. I will have taken my once unique disposition toward holiday music and shared it with everybody else (except those that can't afford it of course)

After all, isn't the point of genetic enhancement to turn good, rare traits into good, common traits among those that have money? Why not share the best parts of ourselves with everyone else? After all, if everyone can be superior, who wants to be different?

Posted by chupathingy on November,28, 2005 at 5:33 PM | Comments (3)

I like the idea! Funny but good. Christmas music is also something I enjoy. I don't know why, it just makes me feel good.

Hmmm, I could think of more important things to apply genetic manipulation to though . . .


Comment by: dave at 6:16 PM, November, 28, 2005


How could you not love music that reminds you of such a great time? Especially the trans-siberian orchestra. Man...what i really want is an acappella version of trans siberian versions of classic christmas songs. (who am I, ryan holler?) because i think it be awesome.

"DUN dadadada DUN dadadada DUN dadadada DUN DUN DUN"

"bwananananana bwayana na, bwananananana bwayana na"

"bwing bwanana bwing bwanana"

I'd be all "YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH! CAROL OF THE MUTHAF**KING GUITAR! SIGN OF THE DEVIL!!!!"


Comment by: mallio at 9:52 PM, December, 1, 2005


If you told my roommate there was an a capella version of trans-siberian orchestra, and it turned out there really wasn't, he would cry. I'd bet the ranch on it....if I had a ranch.

As for me, I'd rather hear the instruments


Comment by: chupathingy at 6:53 PM, December, 3, 2005