June 15, 2007

Make the Bad Plant Stop

On behalf of poison ivy/oak/sumac-sufferers everywhere, I have prepared this list of remedies to relieve the itching and redness and blistering:

Calamine Lotion: Dries the blisters up a little, but really doesn't do anything for itching. It will stain your skin pink unless you give it a good scrubbing in the shower. Considering that the stained area is likely to be a blistery, itchy rash, I do not reccommend attempting to remove the stain.

Ivy-Dri: This stuff works wonders to dry the blisters up and does a little for itching, but mostly just makes you smell like vodka. If you have been drinking vodka anyway, this is not a drawback. Ditto if you just like the smell of alcohol. As a side note, I do not think it will get you drunk. I didn't try, I had tequila.

Bleach: This is the best thing in the world to dry blisters out. However, it will also dry out every single cell in the region until if feels like your skin might rip if you twist your forearm more than three degrees. Also, it will tingle or burn depnding on how raw the area is. On the positive side, it does turn the blisters brown, which is kind of cool.

Benadryl in pill form: Takes far to long to take effect, and does little to alleviate itching. On the plus side, if you take two pills then in about an hour you will suddenly feel like you're floating. If you lay down, even with your arms stretched straight out to avoid touching anything that might make them itch, you can fall asleep. Your hands will be numb in the morning from lack of circulation, but hey, sleep is sleep.

Blowing on the Rash: Works amazingly while the air flows but when you run out of breath, it comes back. If you try hard enough, this can take the place of benadryl in putting you to sleep, though you will wake up far sooner.

Whining: Does nothing but make people want to beat you/get you more Benadryl. This can be a plus if used correctly.

Tequila (in margarita form): This was actually the most effective itch relief I found outside of a cold shower. I doubt it actually healed anything, but they were damn good margaritas. I should mention that you are not supposed to drink alcohol if you take Bendaryl because it "may cause drowsiness to worsen." And here I thought that was the point.

Writing a lits of remedies: Does nothing. Absolutely nothing, I hope you're happy that I've suffered through this to help you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a cold shower to take before this Benadryl kicks in.

Posted by chupathingy on June,15, 2007 at 10:24 PM | Comments (2)

I've had similar experiences with bad sunburn (nothing works). Well not so much the bleach part, I'm thinking that might not play so nice with sunburn.
This explains the lack of Internet-Neil. He was too busy tending to his poisonous wounds!

Comment by: DanK at 3:38 AM, June, 18, 2007

Well the coup de gras of home remedies is Prednisone from my grandmother the nurse. Prednisone is what a doctor would have given me if I wasn't too stubborn to go see one. It turns out that my pride cost me about 3-4 days of itchy hell. Go figure.

The non-internetness is because I've been home away from high-speed anything since the 8th (and will be until July 1-2) for some weddings and other stuff. And actually, the poison ivy let me get on the internet more than I thought I would because it got me out of working outside for a day or two.

Comment by: Semi-Internet-Neil at 11:32 PM, June, 19, 2007