(.09.Dec.04.)
I-74 East
-- 5:13 PM--

Author's note: Much of the ideas and lines for this entry were influenced (read: blatently plagarized) from from this story. So you should definitely read that story. It's good. I don't get inspired by crap. So read it and like it, even if you don't read this one.

Maybe I should turn back. Maybe I should speed up. Maybe I had pushed the blade too far...

Everything will be okay, I said to myself as I let my foot sink onto the accelerator. They'll be in too much shock to call the police immediately. My actions were very much unlike anything I would ever do until now. I wouldn't be surprised if half of them didn't even believe it happened even after they saw it. But they'd all come to their senses eventually, and then I'd be in trouble. And if I'd stayed then there'd be double.

I watched my speed to make sure no one would suspect too much, but kept a steady pace towards Indiana. I'd thought about running to Memphis to see what was so fucking alluring about it to some people, but then thought, hey baby, I need some time. So I decided to cross the state line as quickly as possible.

He'll be fine, I thought. It'll probably end up all the better for him. Sure, he'll be hospitalized for a little while, of course, but he won't be alone...he'll come to realize just how much his friends love him.

I on the other hand, would not be visiting, at least not until everyone had a chance to cool down. Maybe I'd call after I'd ditched my car in Bloomington to see how things were going. But I was a new man. Every so often a time comes in a man's life where he becomes dissatisfied with who he is and needs a change. You don’t necessarily hate yourself, but are just bored with the same old drab that fills your life. I'd done it before, but more gradually. But around the time of finals, I realized that I'd probably flunk every single one and needed to change something. Drop out, work harder, anything, I needed some sort of change. So I was vulnerable to anything that could shake me.

And then it happened. It all started so innocently. I was studying for my last couple finals when I decided that I was hungry. Frank wasn't in his room and everyone else had eaten already. I gave Frank a call to see what he was up to, but he didn't answer. I didn't leave a voicemail; I just figured I'd call him again a bit later.

I went back to studying, but soon realized that everything I did was wrong and that I was getting nowhere. I should have gone to class. If I have any advice to people that don't want to end up on the run its "Be cool, bitch. Stay in school". Anyway, I was frustrated, and decided to just take a quick trip to Jimmy John's before making another attempt. I gave Frank one last call just in case, but still got no response. That wasn't like him...

I walked out the door, but where was my car? And where were my keys? I did a funny little spin move over to the side of the house, but only Joe’s car was there. I jog over to the other side, but still no white car. Run behind the house, still no luck. WHAT THE FUCK?!? I wondered if I left my keys in the lock or something and someone took it. I was ready to call the police, but decided I should see if a friend had borrowed my car first.

I stormed back into the house, everyone but Frank was accounted for. No one knew where he went. I went online and started IMing everyone that I know. Kevin knew nothing, Sarah had no clue, even Jessie and Marie didn't know. There was only one person left that might know where he was, so I called him up.

"Yo," he answered.
"Ryan?" Of course it’s Ryan, you dolt, it's a cell phone...
"Yeah. What's up."
"Do you have any idea where Frank is?"
"Hmm...nope, he was supposed to call me when he got done with his errands though, but that was a couple hours ago. I was just about to call him..."
"Errands?" A couple hours? I am oblivious...
"He said he borrowed your car to go to Su--"
"GAAAAAHHHH!"

That noise you just heard, yeah, that is the sound of my brain being bent just up to the breaking point. That was it. I don't know why it happened then, but it did. I probably should have talked to first before I nearly exploded, but human emotion is hardly controllable.

"What? He didn't ask you?"
"NO! HE FUCKING STOLE MY CAR!"
"Whoa...uh..."
"Well, Ryan, I guess you won't be my first kill, I gotta go." Click.

Needless to say, I was pissed. I wouldn't use the fuck word idly, if at all. It was a major stepping stone.

I paced around outside over the mid-sized rectangle that should have been occupied by my car, and finally decided to give Frank another call, and to leave a fucking angry ass voicemail if he ignored me again. However, I nearly broke my phone trying to mash the keypad to call him, so I decided I should probably cool off. Anger dials are hard.

Okay, I thought, trying to suck in all the air in the world, maybe he didn't really take the car. Breathe in....Breathe out. No he took the car, but c'mon, you'd have lent it to him anyway, right? But he's been gone a while, I like to know where my car is...HE PROBABLY CRASHED IT!!!!.............Breathe, Thomas, Breathe....okay, maybe he's just taking longer than expected. Alright, phone call.

"Hello?" Surprise, surprise, he picked up this time. Guilty conscience?
"Umm..." I paused, but if it wasn't him, who was it? "Did you take my car?"
"Well, I...uh yeah." Snap, crackle, and POP!
"What the fuck?" That had to sink in. He knew I'd never say that. I half expected him to question whether i was really talking to him.
“Look, I’m sorry. I was going to go to Taco Bell but then I just needed to get the hell out of there. Out of Champaign. Out of Illinois.” Taco Bell? I thought Ryan said Super K-Mart...You fucking liar.
“Take a bus if you need to get away. Don’t steal my fucking car.”
“Listen, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just started driving and then I didn’t want to stop. I got a flat so I’m on my way back now. I couldn’t make it all the way to Memphis.” I nearly shit a brick at that one. Why the Hell did he think he could go to fucking Memphis?
“Memphis? You were going to take my fucking car all the way to fucking Memphis?” Are you counting, Frank? YES I'M PISSED!
“Yeah, but look, I didn’t, ok? I’m on my way back now. It’ll be like an hour and a half or two.”
“Well, hurry up. And you’re paying to replace that tire.”
“Of course.”
“Goodbye.” And that was the end of that.

Thoughts of rage clouded my head. Fuck. I couldn't study. Too mad for that. Fuckity fuck. I had two fucking finals the next day, but I had a feeling I was about to fail them both. Shit a fuck Already I was doing terribly in the classes, so I'd probably end up failing them too. Suddenly Frank's idea of running away wasn't sounding so bad...

But why the fuck did he feel the need to run? Run away from what? Did he contract some horrible disease and just needed to get away to save us all? Or did he just hate us so much he needed to get away? What is this, a Less Than Jake album? He just couldn't put up with “that same old crowd that drags him down for another night in this boring town?” Or was this about Jess?

He needs to get over her. I thought he had. I said it'd be better, but he didn't seem to think so. But if he still wasn't really over her, and stole my car to get away, I would definitely say getting over her would be for the better. BECAUSE THEN YOU WOULDN'T BE DEAD, ASSHOLE!

I didn't talk to him again until our Christmas party. We were doing Secret Santa with gag gifts. I had him. My plan earlier was to get him something gay, like a ring or something and ask him to marry me with the hope that he'd kick me in the face (admit it, it'd be hilarious, even if I have to take some pain and sound queer in the process). But things were different now.

So I got him a knife. In the thigh. I felt that the red blood that pulsed out added a nice Christmas-y touch.

Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up let’s go…time to ride from this wonderland of snow.

So here I am. Running, just like he was. Running from school, running from what I'd done, running from the old me. Just running. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. No more school, no more home. I can't say I changed for the better, but at least it's a change. I'm sure I'll be caught sooner or later. And when I am caught, I hope he's more forgiving of me than I was of him. I'm going to miss them all. I hope I'll be able to see them again.

Author's Note: So there's that. As he is a friend, and this just offers the other side of his story, I hope he won't sue me. But he might. And if he does I'll stab him in the thigh.

And yes, I do realize that I am exploiting shock to create humor. It probably wouldn't work as well if you didn't know that I wrote it. But anyway, leave comments. I don't like being in the dark.

(.posted.by.mallio.) | TrackBack
Comments

michael gene o'malley, you scare me. if you ever say the fuck word to me i think i will laugh, then cry.

(.posted.by.Carrie.) at December 11, 2004 9:38 PM

I laughed my ass off. Then bought myself some body armor.

(.posted.by.dan.) at December 12, 2004 3:30 PM
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