(names changed cause, uh, this shows up in google now...who woulda thunk? hopefully they'll update their cache of it quickly...)

My name is Mike O'M_lley, and you all know how much I rock,
I know all of you want to suck my cock.
But I’m too good for you, I’m the greatest person ever born,
And if disagree I’ll rape you with an ear of corn

So you’re probably all sad that we’re leaving, we may not see each other again
But I for one am very happy to be leaving all you douchebag “friends”
You’re all a bunch of ass-holes, I’ve got a lot to say,
So everyone sit down and listen to why I think that you’re all gay.

I’ll start with an alumnus, adam r*****, that stupid jerk
Uncle Poowater we call him, and it’s a name that works
He’s a grumpy old ass-hole and loves to throw a fit
I hope he finds another room where he wakes up covered in shit.

Dave S****** does the money, and rapes us all with bills,
Then he gets all stabby, and if I say more I might get killed,
I kinda miss the spoon rape, but now he has elise,
And now I want everyone to picture her sucking on his piece.

On to jared r*********, the craziest drunk in the world,
It doesn’t happen often but when it does oh my lord,
Some of the funniest stories come from some of those times I think,
But as we all know, none of them really ever happened. Wink.

Corey E******* is so fucking gay. Just thought I’d throw that out there. I’ll move on to…

Jon S******, be careful with your bike shorts, they’re so tight,
They may not crush your balls too much, but corey sure as hell might,
But if he does don’t worry, give a good old hearty guffaw,
Even if corey has his swords, you can beat him with your jaw.

If you ever need to find andy l******, just look right at that couch alright,
That lazy fucking baststard lays there day and night.
We pile shit on top of him pizza boxes, food, and the like,
But he just brushes it off to do nothing but watch tv or play counter strike.

Here is Dan P*******, the drunken incredible hulk,
Destroying anything that gets in the way of his massive bulk.
Am I calling him fat? Fuck yeah I’m calling him fat.
I’m calling him a fucking cock sucking mother fucking ass of fat.

Good ol’ Mark P*******, that crazy polock ass wipe.
Already farther than any of us with a job and a polish wife.
its college man, slow down, this is the time to get all wacky.
But now that we are done you can go home and have plenty of time for fucking jacky.

Jodi H**********, what a fucking whore!
Getting inside those pants sure doesn’t seem to be a chore.
I know she wants my cock but I just play it cool,
I’m just too good for her because I am not a tool.

Next we have that fucking bitch Rachel ***ee.
Just another girl I know that totally wants to fuck me.
I know I’m fucking awesome, but I’m afraid she’d bite off my dick,
So in light of that I wouldn’t touch that cunt even with a 10 foot stick.

Dan K***** never says a single thing that’s comprehensible,
Some think he thinks on a deeper level that makes it seem unapprehensible
But I think he just strings random words and thoughts that he hears on radio stations
Like a retard mimicking his surroundings in failed attempts at conversation

Jennie D***** is a lesbian, so unlike Rachel and Jodi she doesn’t want to ride my stick,
But she is dating Jon, so I guess that means he has no dick.
But really she loves Jodi, so here’s a secret, shoosh!
If you want to get with Jodi you just have to be a douche.

R*** Holler you dumb-ass you failed right out of school
I need to make you a dunce cap that reads “I’m a fucking fool”
Now you’re not around and some one has a plan,
To prove the age old axiom, once you go holler…you go dan.

Rob Grieg***** is a fucking ass-hole, I hope he dies,
I really fucking hate that guy,
Do us a favor, I'll give you the knife,
And you can use it to, i dunno, make some short cut-off jean shorts, go gay, and start a new life?

I think I know why carrie p****** is rarely around and shit,
It’s because she wants my cock so bad and is pained that she can’t have it,
I just have one thing to say to her and I hope it makes her cry
Fuck you bitch, I hope you fucking die!

And now we have almost come to the end
But first I need to talk about R***** brend.
He’s an old man from the 50’s, in him traditional values are not lost,
But he’ll throw those to the wind if he can hook up with danielle’s boss.

So that’s my little speech, I hope you all learned something,
Now I’m leaving forever. Thanks for fucking nothing.