(.19.Dec.03.)
-- 2:09 PM--

Let's take a look at the news today...well hello. Looks like America has been getting a lot of spam. So much that it is trying to outlaw it. But somehow a few particular advertisements seemed to get to America, who is reported to have said, "All this junk about enlarging my junk must be an omen. It may be just what I need."

Yep folks, that's right. America is getting a bigger penis.

Amidst all of America's struggles in it's attempt to destroy a "nation" that doesn't even exist after they punched us in the balls, America has decided that the best way to deal with all the world problems is to just stick with their efforts and get a new General Johnson.

It seems they are putting a lot of thought into this new phallus that is to be erected in the name of freedom. Freedom from tyranny, freedom to speak your mind, and freedom to show everyone that you are bigger, and therefore better, than they are. The new construction is going to be very glassy, twisting its way up higher than any other, with glass at the top resembling the super-hot Statue of Liberty holding her torch. Very sleek, very smooth, very sexual. A true glass fantasy.

This could be good for American spirit, as America seems to have been a little depressed recently. A depression that began with Australia finally deciding to drop trou and show the world that it was the actual Big Lebowski (though the measurments were unfair. Australia is uncircumsised.) A depression that continued as everyone in the world lost even more respect for America. A depression that reached it's peak when some jerks decided to fly 2 commercial airliners right into America's crotch.

So I can understand America's need to have this new symbol of power. I personally have never had a commercial airliner fly into my crotch, but it sounds a bit painful. I would definately want something bigger to spread the pain around. Something that can see planes coming and dodge out of the way. I think America's new monument is going to be great, and I'll have to go see it sometime.

"We're in a bit of a pickle," says America. "Sometimes I wish I was around for the Middle Ages, where one carried a sword and was proud. A gun just isn't the same, and people no longer love the bomb. I need this. It's a matter of pride."

You're right, America. Go for it. Stand tall. Stand proud. And when you're down, hang low. You have the power. Now go tally whack some Aussie trunk! (WTF^^ mate?) Oh, and don't forget to where a cup. You never know what those terrorist ding-dongs are up to.

What is the point of all this? Well...the point is that I need to stop now before this turns into a gay romance novel.

Pea(ni)ce.

(.posted.by.mallio.) | Comments (1) | TrackBack