January 3, 2005

Movie Love

I was watching a movie this evening, the name of which I will not reveal for in doing so would reveal my state of heart. As I watched, the thought came to me that perhaps the increasing rate of divorce has come about not through the loss of morals and sense of commitment imbued in society, but rather through the notions of love that the media has spread over the last fifty years. Watching movies as well as tv shows often gives one the sense that there is that perfect love out there, the one that youíve been waiting for your entire life.

I no longer believe this is really true. Iím not sure if I ever did, but a sense of certainty about it came over me tonight. Society sometimes blames issues of violence on the media, but what about issues of love? We can all say that movies donít effect us, that they are just fiction. But deep down, they must influence something in us or else the world would not be so drawn to them. So as the influence of media has spread, so has the unhappiness with certain situations. People see this love in movies and believe that perhaps it is just over that next hill. Couples married for years when one sees a possible chance of something better, something more. Sometimes there is that chance, and sometimes things work out for the better. But perhaps the reason that person takes the chance is because of the seed of doubt planted in their heart from a movie they once saw.

Once my mother said something to me in passing that has stuck with me ever since. She told me that she believed there was not just that one person for everyone, but rather you could fall in love with almost anyone. The key was that you found that person when you were both at the same point in your life. It didnít really matter where you were on the path of your life, just as long as you were there together. It struck me as the truth for some reason. People can grow apart just as easily as they can grow together. And its not just being at that same part of the path, but rather traveling down it at the same pace after you meet.

And maybe that person will not be who you thought it was, and maybe it wonít be the most exciting time of your life. But just because its not movie love doesnít mean its not love. Donít try to drag someone down your life path with you, and stop trying to catch up to the person you think you should love. Okay, I think Iíve beaten the life as a path metaphor enough now.

Honestly, breathe and take your time. Iím no longer sure if Iím giving this advice to random people who may be reading this or to myself any longer. But I have spent the last year and a half trying to be someone that the person I wanted to love would love. And out of that has come a great deal of pain, but also a sense of patience. Be patient with your life and happy with what you have. Its such clichťd advice, but if you keep looking over your shoulder, or along the horizon youíll miss whatís right in front of you.

Posted by allison at January 3, 2005 11:57 PM

it's really hard to be happy with what you have sometimes. being home for break is really getting to me, mostly because of my brother and his girlfriend. they are together every minute of the day, and i am really jealous that i'm not happy like that. but it's stupid for me to be jealous, because i know that right now i cannot handle a relationship. being lonely really sucks though.

Posted by: Jen at January 4, 2005 1:21 AM

Yeah, like i told you on aim, love on your own terms, not on your movies or your best friend's or even your mother's. You can love nearly anyone... its out there anyway. Those are all the words I will butcher on that subject for now anyway.


Posted by: matt at January 10, 2005 11:05 PM
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