I havenít really written anything since I left school. Iíve done some revisions, but for the most part not much. I havenít even written in my own journal, more because I donít know where to start. But this was slightly writing itself in my head while I was running today, and I figured Iíd try to put it down. Since Iím in a creative writing class now I guess I should get used to writing more again anyway.
I hopped out of the car and started walking towards the gym entrance. I had debated whether to come or not after a rather strenuous dance rehearsal, but I knew I had a few things I needed to run out. I realized Iíd left my coat in the car again. When it is sunny out I seem to always forget it, not matter how cold it is. So I hurried into the gym, pulled out my sisterís Ballyís pass, and wandered through to the locker room.
As I pulled my shorts out of my bag I looked at it and realized that I had bought it for use as a laptop bag, not as a dance/gym bag. But that was last month I suppose. I took off my leotard and tights from dance and changed into my usual Minnesota track shorts and tank top. As I walked out of the locker room I noted the bruises forming on my knees from dance rehearsal and the circles under my eyes from life in general.
I stepped onto the treadmill and started walking to warm up. As I walked I put my mp3 player on its strap on my arm. I havenít changed to music in there almost since I got it. It is full of those songs that you never get tired of hearing, and I only use it for running anyway.
Warm up done, I started to run, and hit play. As the first song rolled the parking lot and Wolf Camera store I had been staring at dissolved.
I want to crawl inside your womb,
I want to watch the rose on your cheeks bloom.
I want to be the face in the moon,
And watch the stars spin around your room.
All your carefully worded letters,
And your carefully spoken words.
I will continue to evolve,
I will continue to revolve when youíre gone.
'Cause you arenít the only one!...
Suddenly I am back where Iíd run a thousand times while hearing this song. The Mississippi is on my left as I leave my room and head out into the early morning sun. No one is up yet, no one is ever around before noon on a Saturday on a college campus. Sometimes I run with Janell, but this time it is just me and my music. My knee twinges and I know I should be wearing my brace, but I hate feeling my leg somehow confined.
As I hit the Mississippi bridge a few songs later another lyric hits my head.
You were wrong
I was right
You said goodbye
I said goodnight
The sun is full in my face by now as I run down the stars to the river road path. The river sparkles on my left as old favorites such as everclear and jimmy eat world, matchbox 20, train, plain white tís, pour through the headphones. Up another hill, a few more miles then across the next bridge to get back to the east side of the Mississippi.
The song changes again as the sign welcoming me to the University of Minnesota campus comes into view.
wonder if you're alone up there
Since you've been gone, I've been alone down here
She told me that I would be OK
Now I don't believe, what she had to say
I can see the dorms now. I think of the hot shower waiting for me. Thereís waffle batter in my fridge, so after my shower I can go down the hall and have breakfast with my friends. I smile as I think of a beautiful Saturday with waffles, friends, and probably no homework getting done.
Just as I am almost back to my room my feet suddenly slow. I snap back to reality and realize the treadmill has started my cool down session since its been 45 minutes. Once again there is a parking lot in front of me, and Iím inside. There is no river, no wind, no early morning sun. My leg complains, reminding me that I pulled a muscle in rehearsal this morning. I had managed to purge everything from my thoughts while I ran, but it is all still there. The treadmill stops and I hop off as the song changes again.
I'm not afraid of tomorrow,
I only scared of myself,
feels like my insides are on fire and I'm looking through the eyes of someone else
is it any wonder why the answer keeps me petrified,
is it any wonder why,